About Me

I love cooking. I hate recipes. They never call for enough onion powder and hardly any garlic powder. Onion powder and garlic powder make everything better. My cooking is by memory and smell. Therefore, the same meal never tastes the same.

I no longer apologize for having a “correct” position for the coasters on my end tables. Even if there’s half an inch of dust on the TV stand, as long as everything is positioned the way I like, I can be happy with the cleanliness of my home.

I also do not apologize for diving headfirst into a massive cleaning frenzy of the entire house before hosting a party.

I hate shoes. If I could, I would be either barefoot or in flipflops every day, everywhere. I also have naturally cold feet so I have a whole drawerful of fuzzy socks.

I own every color of every size of Sharpie markers.

I correctly capitalize and punctuate even text messages.

I hate crafting.

I wish I could crochet, embroider, and sew.

I have two kids. Thirteen months apart. It took three years to get the first kid. My struggle with infertility is a huge chapter in my life and is one of the reasons being a mother is the best thing in my life. But it’s motherhood and sometimes motherhood sucks and kids are jerks.

My husband is the love of my life and my very best friend. Still, some days I dream of joining a convent.

We bought our dream house but the dream quickly turned to a nightmare once we lived in it.

Dave Ramsey saved our lives.

I am a devout Catholic. I’ve learned everyone has a different definition of “devout.”

I cuss enough to make a sailor blush.

I’ve struggled with my weight for years. I have this image of what I look like in my head and that image is shattered every time I look in the mirror. This image is shattered even further when a photo is taken of me. I’m the least photogenic person I’ve ever seen. Remember Barney from How I Met Your Mother? How every photo he’s ever in is flawless? Yeah, I’m the exact opposite. I’m trying to be less concerned with hitting a number on a scale or fitting into my pre-pregnancy pants (hell, fitting into my maternity pants would be exciting!) and become more concerned with health, stamina, sex drive, energy, pain, and being able to get off the floor when I sit down to play with my kids.

My mom died of cancer when I was 37 and she was 64.

I. Love. Coffee. I hate flavored coffee or creamers. If I want a hazelnut, I’ll eat a hazelnut.

I’m a compliance officer at a bank. It’s the dream job I didn’t know existed when we were having career days at high school. My job is to know laws, regulations, rules, and to make sure the bank is following them.

I drive at least 5 mph over the speed limit and see most stop signs as suggestions. But I will never run a red light.

I was born and raised in Western Nebraska. No, real western. Not “western Nebraska” as Hollywood or Lincoln think of it. Like almost-Wyoming western.

Life is short. But eternity is forever and my goal is to not do anything here that will fuck up my chances for there.