I’d like to start a movement: To remove Mother’s Day as a holiday. Or at the very least, remove it as a commercialized holiday so we can quit fucking hearing about it!
Mother’s Day sucks. It just does. For so many, Mother’s Day is a horrible reminder of what isn’t, what can’t be, what was, or what will never be.
Infertility, miscarriage, still birth, and infant mortality are far more common than healthy kids.
Maternal relationships can be rocky. A bad relationship with a mother can seriously screw up a child’s life (no pressure though, eh?).
Even the best moms in the world don’t live forever leaving their children with a gaping hole in their lives and their hearts.
The cultural expectations of women to bear children is intense. I don’t remember when it was, but one year no one mentioned Mother’s Day to me and the next I was being wished Happy Mother’s Day by strangers at the coffee shop. No children in sight. Dude, back the fuck off!
Mother’s Day is filled with expectations and pressure. Get the perfect gift! Show her how much you love her! Every ad on TV, every front display in the grocery store, greetings and goodbyes. Everything is screaming MAKE MOTHER’S DAY HAPPY!!!
Sometimes Mother’s Day is anything but happy and all the reminders are just salt in some very open and already raw wounds.
First I was a step mom. A wicked and evil step mother in my daughter’s eyes. A child who had so many mother issues that years of therapy still couldn’t resolve. Then the years I fought infertility. Every year I spent Sunday church service sobbing in the bathroom as the homily and prayers and blessings revolved around mothers. I avoided going out in public for fear of someone wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day which would send me into tears. For two years I felt blessed by the miracle of my babies. But then my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and every Mother’s Day felt so heavy – will this be the last one? And now, she’s gone. Just. Gone. And I don’t need another reminder of her absence when every day already feels so empty.
Notifications have popped up for weeks now all over the place. Ads from my apps reminding me to get my mom something wonderful or letting me know they have just what my mom would want. An e-mail from vendors from work wishing me a wonderful day. Facebook even changed their “Like” button to a flower in honor of the event.
STOP!!! Just stop. Unless it’s your own mother, the mother of your children, or you’re fully aware of what Mother’s Day means to the woman, please let the holiday just be a day for everyone else. More people will appreciate the silence than will be offended. There is a very small handful of people I can handle hearing from on Mother’s Day and it’s only because I know that they understand how complicated this day is for me.
If you’re a woman who has never experienced any grief of child bearing and you still have a wonderful relationship with a healthy mother of your own – congratulations! If you’re someone who can’t imagine how Mother’s Day could be anything but wonderful – congratulations also. Please – Celebrate! Live it up! Roll around and revel in how miraculously rare your joy is. Soak it in. But please, leave the rest of us alone.