The Working Mom’s Nightmare

  • Reading program at the library: Registration Tuesday, 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.
  • Reading program at the library: Fun activities every week! 10:30 a.m. on Tuesdays.
  • Bible camp: Every day for one week in June, 9 a.m. – 2 p.m.
  • Free movies at the movie theater!: Every Thursday at 1:30 p.m.
  • Discounted movies at the other movie theater!: Every Tuesday.
  • Theater camp: Two weeks Monday through Friday, 9:30 a.m. – 2 p.m.
  • All the other camps offered at the local community college: Various starting & end times. Some all day, but not every day. Some start at 1 p.m., some start at 9 a.m., some end at 5, others at some point in the day.

The last 2 weeks of school, my kids came home with pamphlets and leaflets and excitement about these various programs being announced at school. Look at all this awesomeness that can be yours this summer!!!!

Except we can’t partake. And I had to break the news to them and crush their little hopes and dreams (not really, but I did have to hear the tears). Why can’t they go? Why am I denying their little desires? The four most guilt-riddled words in the English language: Mommy has to work.

In a moment of weakness, after the 3rd bitter pill swallowed that week, I threw myself a public pity party on Facebook saying basically that paragraph. The response I got was heartwarming, but was completely not what I needed or intended. I was overwhelmed with offers from friends willing to be my kids’ chauffer to the various summer events. But that wasn’t really what I was whining about.

The kids aren’t actually “missing out” on the activities. They have a full life and my husband and I have made conscious decisions to not over-commit our kids into a million activities. During the summer they go to an amazing program for “daycare” that has them busy all day long – playground, swimming, movies, archery, physical activities, crafting, sports. They come home sunburnt, bug bitten, bruised, scratched up, and exhausted. They are living their best kid life! So my whine about the summer programs wasn’t about the activities. It’s about the opportunity for the activities that I was upset about. And upset not just for me, but for the millions of families like me and especially those far worse off than I am.

Summer is a privilege.

My husband and I are privileged enough that we can afford to send our kids to a daycamp that will shuttle them to all the amazing activities of summer. That has its own pool on the grounds that the kids go to every day. That keeps them active and fed. So many people can’t afford childcare, much less such an extravagant setup. Good childcare is a privilege.

Most of the summer activities cost money. Entrance fees to the public pool. Registration fees to the camps and classes and sports. The cost of the equipment required. Money is a privilege.

Even the “free” library program comes at a cost – time. Something working parents are horrendously short on. All of the activities sponsored by the program require parental supervision. No admittance without an adult. Where does a latchkey kid find an available adult? Time is a privilege.

How does a kid who lives miles away get to such activities? If being shuttled by mom and dad is out of the question for work commitments, even a bike costs money. And not many cities in this country are designed to accommodate pedal traffic safely on the streets. Public transport is also in short supply across the country. Transportation is a privilege.

Not many cities are safe enough to traverse even on foot. Even in my “safe” little town, most parents won’t let their 8-year-olds play at a neighborhood park by themselves for fear of the big, bad wolf. Safety is a privilege.

It’s hard to see privilege when it’s just your daily life. No big deal. No second thoughts and required contemplation.

It’s hard to not see the privilege when it’s beyond your reach. Especially when it comes waving to you on a neon colored paper pamphlet accompanied by the hopeful, yearning eyes of your child.