I need to talk to you. I have something going on in my life that only you will understand and your counsel means the most to me. There’s something big going on in my world and I want to run to you and spill my guts.
But I can’t talk to you.
You’re dead.
“Gone.” “Passed away.” “In a better place.”
Whatever cliché way of saying it, you’re not here and you can’t talk to me. And I need you now more than ever.
I knew when you “left” that I would miss you. I knew I would have to face things without you. I didn’t know then how I would do it and now that I’m having to face these trials without you, I really don’t know how to do it.
I’ve talked to others. I’ve written lists. Pros, cons, benefits, comparisons. I’ve journaled. I’ve Googled. Flipped a coin. Eenie meenie miney mo-ed. But none of them have your insight. Your wisdom. Your experience. Your voice.
I’ve prayed. I’ve begged for a dream where you can talk to me. Tell me what I’m supposed to do. Where I’m supposed to go. Who I’m supposed to be. Tell me it’s going to be ok. I’m so afraid of making the wrong decision and without your advice I don’t know what to do.
I didn’t even want to face the small things without you. I knew we would remodel our house and you wouldn’t be here to give us your insight about paint colors. Tile selection or cabinets. You were never shy about voicing your opinions about anything and everything – whether it was solicited or not. While you were alive that personality trait was sometimes infuriating. Especially for your headstrong daughter. But now that I have lost my compass, I find myself spinning. Desperate to find my true North.
What Would Jesus Do? Screw that! I need to know What Would Mom Do!